Change

The hardest place I've ever had to move from was Arizona. I truly loved my life there and even with how hard it was, I knew there was more for me somewhere else.

Finishing my Bachelor's degree seemed a long road(9 years), but I did it and had dreams for my future (all of which involved traveling). I, however, felt that getting married would move me along a better path, so I chose that instead.

With both decisions I prayed. And both decisions I honestly felt that life would be great no matter what I chose which made them harder to actually go through with. Because of not just these choices but a lot of changes I've gone through, I've learned that change is always good. It has always helped me to be a better person and I love change now.

I could have never imagined having as great of life that I do. I have a husband who will literally do anything for me and strives every day to make me happy. I have 2 dogs that I adore (one more than the other though haha) and they make me happy. And I seriously have the best job in the world. It's my 18th try at a job. I've done so many different things and this blows them all out of the water. I get to make my own schedule, meet amazing people, have the best and most positive support group helping me, build women's confidence, and make more money than I ever thought was possible for myself.

And it will all change.

Very soon my life will be something I honestly and truly never wanted. People tell me it'll be the best thing ever. Do I believe them? Yes, I actually do. But does that make me want it? No, and I have no explanation.
I have no idea why I feel this way. I always have. With every congratulation, my heart wants to burst out with tears. I do have faith that it'll be okay. I do know that it will be great. But that doesn't in any way change how I'm feeling now. And I don't know how long I will feel this way. Nothing anyone says can help.

That is why I'm writing this. I don't want to explain this to everyone and I don't want anyone to think I dislike them or am upset with them for not responding the way "I should." I just need to do my thing... and I don't even know what that means.